I am a life ruiner…or so I am told.

I have heard this many times over the past couple of decades.  Those would be the decades of my parenting children who have advanced into the “I believe I know what is best for my life” stage of development.  It starts somewhere between the ages of 9 and 10 and then is honed as they move into the pre-teen years and brought to its full mastery in the seemingly never-ending teen years.  This is my fourth opportunity to experience this delightful phenomenon.

This time around it is with Cheyenne who so labeled me when I told her she would not be allowed to go tonight (the Friday before Halloween) for more than four hours unsupervised (7:00 to 11:45) to Acres of Terror in Leonard with three other 12 year old girls.   Hello!  This is not my first rodeo.  😉

Of course I offered that Mike and I would go with the girls to watch over them from a safe distance away, but Cheyenne was having no part of that.  The most she was willing to accept in compromise was us sitting in the car in the parking lot for four hours.  She was under the impression that the dialogue was a negotiation where she had equal bargaining power – rookie mistake (as her older brother Noah would advise her).  When she realized that the only offer on the table was a “take it or leave it” proposition she decided to leave it and uttered the words that I have learned to embrace as a hallmark of parenting through the pre-teen and teen years, “YOU ARE RUINING MY LIFE!”

Yes, I am the life ruiner.   Oddly, I can live with that.  I have been buoyed by the fact that I have ruined three lives before I came to ruin Cheyenne’s life.  I now have three examples of the survivability of my life ruining who can actually testify to the sensibility of such decisions.  This drives Cheyenne a little crazy as her older sister Sarah (who is now 30) is her go-to person for back-up when she thinks she is getting a raw deal.  When Sarah agrees with and supports the life ruiner’s decisions – well, the island of righteous indignation gets a whole lot smaller for Cheyenne.  Her brothers (ages 29 and 23) are weak substitutes for back-up, but she’ll go there in the absence of sisterly support.  When they can’t deliver she’ll try peer pressure – “All the other kids’ parents are letting them do it!” or “Dad would let me do it!”  That really never works, but she still is early in the learning curve so she keeps whipping it out when all else fails.

I told her she should be thanking me for caring enough about her to make the thoughtful parenting decisions that will keep her safe.  She said, “I’ll thank you when I am older and  realize that!”  That made me laugh out loud and showed me that her sister’s words had sunk in – there is value in having a grown child who was likewise restricted as a pre-teen and now realizes there was some wisdom in it.

When it was all said and done Cheyenne settled into the fact that her mother – the life ruiner – was not going to budge on her position and abandoned all the rationalizing, begging and tears and moved into a state of resignation.  We both just agreed to note that yes, I am a life ruiner, that is my job as a parent sometimes.  But as I said, I can live with that. 😉

Day eight hundred and forty-four of the new forty – obla di obla da

Ms. C