I think sometimes I embarrass my children.  Alright, alright – I know that sometimes I embarrass my children.  It becomes apparent when they say loudly in public, “Mother – stop – you are embarrassing me!”

It isn’t intentional (well…it isn’t always intentional)…most days my children are embarrassed just because of the things I say and do as a byproduct of being myself.  As I have said in my blog before, I do believe that this is one of my jobs as their mother…not the embarrassment part per se, but being authentic and true to who I am – which has been the root of said embarrassment on occasion.

I have a responsibility as a mother though – I need to walk the walk I talk about and that is fulfilling one’s full potential, pursuing one’s dreams and living a life that matters.  In my illustration of these noble pursuits I am sometimes (okay…often) unabashedly unapologetic for not being quiet and demure and blase while out in public.  I want to visit with folks and laugh and have fun when the opportunity presents itself.  I have learned over the years leading into the new forty that the days pass quickly and life not lived is not retrievable…the time – it goes – whether you are having fun or not.

So I try and have fun whenever and wherever I can – good, clean fun that allows me to smile and laugh a lot.  The kids often roll their eyes and exhale heavy sighs when they know someone has just opened the door with a question or comment that will lead to some traditional Carol schtick.

Oddly, they still all offer to go places with me and even still invite me to go places with them…I haven’t quite figured out why that is given the eye-rolling and heavy sighs.  I suspect it has something to do with the underlying message they receive while they are expressing their embarrassment – a message that is powerful in its role modeling: you only get this one life…don’t seek to live it under the radar…don’t phone it in…live large.

My daughter Sarah’s long-term boyfriend Dusty has historically been less concerned with my antics and in fact has been fairly supportive – sometimes actively encouraging my acting out.  I am after all, not related to him by blood and somehow I think that makes the whole thing less troubling and problematic for him.  That was until recently when Dusty’s parents – very nice folks – Verna and Dan – got clued into my blog.  Now with his parents reading some of the crazy things Sarah’s mother says Dusty has developed a bit more empathy for the plight of the biological children.   There really is no eye-rolling, but the sighs when the topic of his parents reading my blog come up are telling.  Of course, Sarah thinks that is funny – something about Dusty finally gaining an appreciation of why she believes I should not be encouraged.

Here is the thing though – some day in the future my children will role model for their children and I want to be sure that I have created an imprint that they will carry-on to their equally embarrassed offspring – the message that life is for the living every single minute of every day…a recognition that every minute is one that when spent can never again be retrieved…an understanding that each human being owes it to themselves and others to add as much joy to the universe as they can – even if some days it embarrasses their children.  😉

Day five hundred and thirty-two of the new forty – obla di obla da

Ms. C