Folks I need your help.  I have run across something that I cannot quite comprehend and I desperately need assistance in understanding it.  Prepare yourself though because once introduced to this topic I suspect you will never think of underwear or those chocolate oranges they sell during the holidays in quite the same way (I am all about the disclaimer – stop now if you want these items to remain pristine in your mind’s eye).

Here is a photo of the chocolate orange I am talking about – it is  really yummy and preformed in appetizing slices. When I first came upon the underwear I am discussing today that is what I thought of – the sectioning of an orange…but not a rich chocolate yummy orange – a real life sectioning that was ill-conceived and that could go horribly wrong when executed.

I can’t provide a photo of the underwear that I am discussing today here as it exposes too much.  If you want to see it you must go directly to Frederick’s page – I offer two links for you: 1) the caged back crotchless underwear; and, 2) the caged back corset.

There are many things I think of when I think of cages – the zoo, the pet store, Maya Angelou’s autobiography I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings – but not underwear.  Cagey underwear just seems unnatural and somewhat ridiculous…I am at a loss.

So here are the questions that I seek insight from you on:

First and foremost, are those chocolate oranges forever ruined for you like they have been for me?

Second, across the female population that are 18 and over and weigh 110 pounds or more – what percentage do you believe these would be flattering on? And does a sunburst effect across one’s posterior ever really flatter?

Third, are these all about the accessorizing because they really don’t act as underwear do they?

And finally, if it is all about accessorizing wouldn’t it just be easier and infinitely more flattering to just draw those lines on your fanny yourself with a magic marker?  I mean seriously – those things have to cut in when you bend over or sit down and they must look damn interesting under a tight skirt that accentuates your fanny (and I use the term “interesting” in its broadest sense).

So please help me to understand folks – why would anyone willingly wear these caged back bottoms and why for heaven’s sake did they have to ruin chocolate oranges for me?

Day four hundred and ninety-one of the new forty – obla di obla da

Ms. C