Over the years I have accumulated a number of quips that resonate with me. Yesterday I added a new quip to my repertoire and as such I thought today would be a good day to share a handful of my favorite quips with those who have not had the opportunity to hear me utter them with glee.

These are not listed in order of preference. Each has its own time and place and they are included today as they are the ones that immediately come to mind, but I assure you there are many more where these came from.

1. Mothers of teenagers know why animals eat their young.

It sounds horrible – I know…but have you lived through a teenager yet? When I was a hardcore single mom (that would be the time when I had three kids at home, was practicing law, and had an insane schedule) and my teenagers were being – well, teenagers, I purchased two signs for my home. The first said the above and the second said, “Motherhood is not for wimps.” At the time they spoke to me (not in a voices in my head kind of speak – they spoke to my soul). They reminded me that other mothers had walked the same walk. They reminded me that I was not alone. I still have the motherhood sign prominently displayed in my home, but the other sign seems to have gotten lost somewhere along the way. Three of the teenagers are grown now and I only have one in waiting. Luckily, the quip remains with me ready for future use as needed.

2. Mind like a steel trap…rusty and illegal in 37 states.

I resemble this remark. Enough said.

3. B*tch…oh no…it’s The B*tch…and it’s Ms. B*tch to you.

On a rare occasion when I was up against another female attorney in court (90% of the time I was up against male attorneys), the attorney could be heard slamming me outside the courtroom on a recess to her client and colleague saying what a B*tch I was being in the courtroom. My impression was that this was said not only for the client but also as a strategy to make me lower my guard and to be less aggressive in court. Alas, my client wasn’t paying for Donna Reed; he was paying for Perry Mason. That was the day that I internalized this message. It was the first time I had ever heard anyone refer to me as a B*tch (I have heard it a few more times since then) and given the circumstances I decided to wear it as a badge of honor. I use the quip all the time now with aplomb.

4. Don’t make me get my flying monkeys…

This quip which plays off the Wizard of Oz can be found in many places these days, but it still resonates with me from years ago when I first heard it. For me it is akin to saying, “Don’t make me open a can of whoop ass on you!” or “Step off…now.” Sure, the chick with the monkeys was a witch, but she was also a strong woman committed to getting what she wanted and she had the wherewithal to make it happen. I mean seriously, if you had flying monkeys wouldn’t you whip them out when it was appropriate? I use this saying to denote that I am not afraid to step up and do battle…I have more tools in my arsenal than you may see on the surface. Alas, in real life I have no flying monkeys, but I did have ruby slippers once upon a time and no houses were harmed in the acquisition of them.

5. Deja Moo…

I saw this in a catalog the other day and it is my new favorite quip. What does it mean? Well, here is the definition: “the feeling that you’ve heard this bull before.” Normally I would shy away from any saying that has me making farm animal sounds, but in this instance I will make an exception. I believe it will be an excellent addition to my quip collection and that I will have plenty of opportunities to use it.

So there you have it – five selections from the Carol quip collection. It seems like a good way to start what will be a hectic week…armed with quips and enough humor to use them.

Day ninety-nine of the new forty – obla di obla da

CC