Let’s talk about an ugly and often ignored scourge on the sensibilities of right-minded people – bellybutton lint.

Seriously, how disgusting is it to find a stockpile of lint in a bellybutton? Now, lest you think I am a casual observer in regard to this phenomenon I assure you I am not. I have been in the trenches (so to speak).

Not that I am a hoarder of bellybutton lint – oh no, my bellybutton is a lint-free zone thank you very much. That is one indecency I will not allow myself to suffer.

I do, however, have a history of dating, marrying and divorcing hairy men. This is where the bulk of my bellybutton lint experience has come from. For some reason many of these men prior to meeting me had been oblivious to their bellybutton’s lint carrying capacity. Indeed, even after I made some of them aware they continued to foster a stockpile. This behavior on their part obviously signaled the demise of the relationship. I can endure fur-bearing men, but not lint-bearing men – seriously people – I have some standards.

It baffles me that bellybutton lint can escape one’s attention. Shouldn’t a low-level cavity search for foreign objects such as lint be part of one’s daily hygiene? Are my expectations too high? Have I missed some information about the value of retaining bellybutton lint? Is there a disorder associated with the collection and retention of bellybutton lint? What is going on here?

My years of research indicate that this is a widespread phenomenon; yet, alarmingly little attention has been paid to it by the medical, psychological or dating experts. How can this be so endemic in the hairy male population and remain so overlooked? Sure, this may not present a pressing health hazard per se, but it certainly does cause some folks psychological and dating strife (and I know I cannot be alone in this strife – there surely are others like me afflicted by their disgust of bellybutton lint).

It is time to address this scourge head on. I cannot continue to try and address it alone one bellybutton at a time. Bellybutton lint haters unite! Tell everyone within earshot that the days of bellybutton lint are over. Picking lint out of someone’s bellybutton is not an act of love, it is enabling…it has to end right here and right now – seriously.

Day ninety-two of the new forty – obla di obla da

CC