What can you do ultimately but laugh at some things? A case in point from the Noah files.

When Noah was in middle school he was accused of being in a fight with another kid at school. Being the non-violent type, I was appropriately horrified. The vice principal performed an investigation to ascertain who threw the first punch (the fighting was a given, but self-defense was considered more acceptable than throwing the first punch)

I performed my own investigation. My investigation included questioning Noah and an eyewitness, his sister Sarah. In my investigation it was confirmed that there was a fight, but the other kid had thrown the first punch.

The vice principal’s investigation concluded that it was Noah that threw the first punch. The vice principal called me to deliver this news. I conducted an interrogation (and yes there was a bright light and intense questioning involved). Noah, the alleged first puncher, and Sarah, the eyewitness, stuck to their stories with righteous indignation. So, I presented my conclusions to the vice principal in a phone call.

Based on the conflicting conclusions the vice principal suggested we have a meeting. Noah and I met with the vice principal. The vice principal laid out the extent of his investigation and his conclusions. Feeling oh so righteous in my son’s innocence I went right for the dramatic courtroom moment and here is how it went:

“Noah did you throw the first punch?”

“No.”

“Tell us what happened then.”

“He was calling Sarah and me names and taunting us so I pushed him with my fist.”

“I thought you said you didn’t hit him first?”

“I didn’t, I pushed him with my fist.”

Yep…there it was my moment …of huh? You what? You pushed him with your fist? How did this information escape me after both an investigation and interrogation?

It was one of those moments in life that I recall with perfect clarity. The vice principal looking at me with that “I told you so” look; Noah looking at me befuddled with my confusion over why I cannot comprehend how hitting someone and pushing them with your fist is different; and me, dumbfounded at my child’s view of the events and now faced with trying to gather up what was left of my credibility and dignity and get out of that office as quickly as possible.

The vice principal emerged victorious. Noah was suspended for a day. I left the office shaking my head and trying to figure out how this key point was lost in translation. It is amazing the different ways we can perceive events.

He pushed him with his fist…there you have it. I remember it like it was yesterday even though it was well over a decade ago…and now I laugh about it with a knowing laugh that only parents have. That is the laugh wherein your experiences with your children teach you how “magical” it can be to be a parent some days.  Ah, but I wouldn’t trade it for a moment and some day if I ever have the occasion to hit someone in the old folks home and there is an investigation and Noah asks me whether I did it or not I am going to say I hit no one I merely "pushed them with my fist".  Then I will have enjoyed the "magical" moment for all it is worth.  🙂

Day fifty-three of the new forty – obla di obla da

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