Today is the first day of fifth grade for Cheyenne. It is a big day that takes me all the way back to the first day of kindergarten – times four. With three children that are over twenty-one, I have already lived these moments before. Surprisingly that does not take the edge off the little tinge of sadness that goes with the recognition that time flies.

I have been given clearance to walk into the school with her today, at least past the double doors. I will not be allowed to walk all the way down to her classroom. She is, as she informs me, too old for that. There will be no holding her hand as we walk down the hall and no chatty mom talk. She will likely walk a step or two ahead of me to maintain the premise that I came with her absent her requests to sit in the car, but that’s okay because I know that she still wants me there today even if she perceives it as something that others may think is “un-cool”. Albeit, cool is my word from one of my decades…I have other selections – perhaps groovy, hip, awesome…whatever.

And so my “baby” who is now 10 and who is quickly approaching height parity with her mother is getting older and stronger and less dependent – hoorah and uggh. Now I as the mom have to do the same – grow stronger and less dependent (I am doing just fine on the growing older part thank you very much). This incremental letting go is most difficult with her because she is the baby of the family. It was so much easier when there was always another one coming up from behind, but Cheyenne is the last of the four and barring some attempt at humor by God there will be no more to follow her.

So this is my last first day of fifth grade – at least with one of my children. There will still be grandchildren to tag along with, but somehow I don’t think it will be quite the same. As I take my last first day of fifth grade walk – only halfway down the hall per my clearance – I will reflect upon how precious the moments of childhood are.

I have been a mom for twenty-eight years – my longest continuing role and this is my last year in elementary school (sounds like I am awfully remedial when I put it that way). And so I will savor the end of an era this year as we move through all the drama, anxiety and excitement that comes with being a big fifth grader; and, I’ll try and remember every day that I shall not pass this way again and as such I need to soak in the moments as they come. Next year who knows, I may not even have clearance to get out of the car.

Day fifty-two of the new forty – obla di obla da

CC