I heard yesterday that one of my colleagues in the field of emergency management died.  She wasn’t  all that old (but age is relative to how old you are and having arrived at the new forty I can only say – she was "older" than me, but not "old").  It seems I have heard about a lot of deaths lately of regular folks who have seemingly left us too early.  We never know how much time we have when we start on this journey – we hope we have decades to enjoy our family and friends, but sadly we don’t all make it into old age. 

When I die (which I don’t plan on doing within the next three or more decades God willing- so don’t start planning on spending the inheritance just yet), I want to have a celebratory event where everyone drinks and laughs and has fun.   I want folks to wear bright colors and dance and crack obnoxious jokes.  I want Bon Jovi’s song "Wanted Dead or Alive" to be played at the event (and if they are still touring see if you can get them live). I want a celebration that is full of life – not focused on death.

When I first moved to North Dakota I learned of the practice some families have of taking photos of the deceased in the casket.  I cannot fully express to you the shock I felt skimming through a friend’s family album and coming upon such photos.  That was not something I had ever seen before.  Seriously…that will not happen with me.  I want to be cremated and have my ashes scattered where there are trees and bright beautiful flowers.  I would make a mission of coming back and haunting anyone who thought it prudent to put me in a casket and take photos of me when I was dead.  If you want to accomplish that look come snap a few shots in the morning when I get up (it’s not quite the same – but dead to the world should be close enough).

When I die I don’t want you to send plants or flowers – donate to charities that help the living.  If you want to memorialize me, don’t buy a plaque – do kind acts for others in my memory.  Don’t cry because I am gone, laugh because I was here and because I was such an unmitigated goofball the whole time.

Oh, and as for the food – there better not be a single healthy thing there…I want everything to be battered and deep-fried – you only live once and when I am dead I want to know that at least my love affair with all the wrong foods is duly noted.  And don’t forget the alcohol – lots of it.

I don’t want any of those photos from the 80’s to be drudged up for some life memory slide show.  Under no circumstances are photos of me in leggings to be released.  Videos of me dancing are also banned – at least afford me some decorum in death.

And please -no funeral singer singing something sappy; however, karaoke is okay, but then you must get Tom Mueller, Pete Webb and Jamie Mitchem to sing "Save a Horse Ride a Cowboy" and "Sweet Caroline" and Dorothy Miller and Jamie to sing "Summer Nights".  There are classics that must be recognized and honored whenever the karaoke macine is wheeled out regardless of the event.

Also, no program…this isn’t a high school play.  No handouts with my photo…no solemn poems (although some dirty limericks may be okay).  If folks want to speak let them, but let’s keep the sadness to a minimum.  People crying is a big downer and I do not want them ruining my death celebration with that crap.  I want everyone to be happy dammit!

Finally, when I die know that I loved living and I appreciated all the wonder and magic in my life.  Remember – it’s all good. Oh and by the way, if you do get Jon Bon Jovi to perform live – have him sign my urn.

Day eight of the new forty – obla di obla da

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