A natural part of getting involved with someone is that eventually your extended lives begin to intermingle.  Family and friends start to give the new person in your life the once-over, assessments are made and hopefully, stamps of approval are given by those that matter in your life.  The process of introducing a new person into an existing network is always interesting – especially when you are in the new forty.  The days of just meeting the parents, siblings and high school or college pals are long gone.  Now there are also full-grown children (and one fairly opinionated 12 year old), colleagues and an extensive friend network that spans decades in addition to the regular suspects that were there back in the day that need to approve inclusions in my life.  It is a bit daunting to consider…hoping that everyone sees the same wonderful things in a person that I see…hoping that my choice is supported by those around me.

Of course this is all a part of the “relationship” package.  Relationships require more than the casual commitment of run-of-the-mill dating.  Once you decide you are going to plant both feet in the state of one-on-one – once you make that first commitment to explore more deeply what is between two people without any outside interference – you are in a different world.  In relationship world there is an evaluation of goodness-of-fit.  You begin to move past the basic and start to dwell in the deep – you are forced to examine whether you have the same values and ideological foundations; whether you are compatibile physically, emotionally and intellectually; and, whether your lives fit together.

This is heavy and often scary stuff.  Of course, when you really like someone you want to find alignment across all these areas – indeed, I might argue that you lean toward finding alignment in all these areas.  So you really look for confirmation from those around you that what you see is what those around you see…at least that is the way it works for me.

But what of the person whose family is far away?  The person whose family’s only orientation to a new relationship is based on their family member’s accounting of it and the general outside information they can glean from outside sources – like say – a blog?  GULP.

Yes, that is the situation between me and Jersey boy (who if you haven’t heard has charmed me absolutely silly over the past couple of weeks and who has caused me to willingly commit to engaging in a “relationship” – I know many of you are shocked to learn I possessed the capability to make such a commitment – frankly I thought the same myself until recently).  Jersey boy’s family is not here, they are – suprisingly – in New Jersey.  So, what do they know of me?  Well, there is all the sweet things that Jersey boy says about me and then there is two years of historical data readily available in my blog.  Oh dear.  As I reflect back on more than 750 blog entries I can only imagine what his family has concluded about me.  Regular readers can ponder what they would say if their family member were to say they were involved with me…yes, regular readers I bet you are flashing back to any number of blog entries filled with innuendo, reports of mischief and 
troublemaking.  Can you see why I am concerned?

Truth be told, I am most concerned about his mother’s opinion of me as we all know what mom thinks is really the most important consideration (read closely my children – I expect my opinion to be valued in your selection processes throughout your lives).  So, given the fact that Jersey boy’s mom is only able to know me from afar and has undoubtedly come to know the most about me from my blog, I think it prudent that I write a little note to her to better frame some of the things she may have read in my blog. 

Dear Mrs. H,

You have undoubtedly read things in my blog that may have led you to assume that I am a wild party girl who gets into a lot of mischief gleefully often to the embarrassment of her children.  Yes…that would be a fair assumption.  It is true that in the new forty (and indeed, even in the old forty) that I have made a point of enjoying my life as much as possible (and yes, I have overachieved on that front to be sure).  I feel free to be who I am without apology and seek to live my life in a way that is true to who I am.  If you have gotten that impression from my blog, it is accurate.

But I want you to know that I think your son is swell.  He is sweet, polite, funny, thoughtful, kind, honest and has a heart of gold.  I do believe he has what it takes to make an honest woman out of me and I am so happy I met him.  He has brought into my life an unexpected joy and lightness of heart that I have not felt for a very long time.  I have a fabulous life, tis’ true, but since I met your son it has been even more fabulous.

I suspect I have you to thank for the man he is.  As a mom I know the role a mother plays in a child’s development.  Thank you for raising him to be such a beautiful soul.  I know it was trying at times – I heard he caused you untold grief in his childhood between his antics and various injuries – I bet you are happy he survived some of those crazy times.  I know you didn’t keep him alive and intact all these years to stop worrying about him now.  I understand that you want the best for your son and you place primacy on his happiness.

I want to assure you that I have the purest of intentions with your son (actually, not the “purest” of intentions, I am after all a wild party girl – let’s just say I have the “best” intentions).  I hope my role in his life will always be one that brings him happiness and peace.  As I said, I think your son is swell and even though my life is notably fabulous, I don’t run across swell all that often. 

I recognize that this singular communication is only a drop in the bucket relative to some of the salacious material you may have encountered on my blog; but, I hope it rings true with other things you may have learned about me – that I value integrity, trust, honesty and that I would do anything for those who I hold near and dear.  All-in-all, I am a fairly ordinary girl who merely seeks to have an extraordinary life…I am happy that your son is part of the extraordinary in my life.

Carol

P.S.  Disregard all that cougar talk in my blog – I am now a puma (a woman who is involved with a man who is younger, but not seven years or more younger).  As I said above, I believe your son has what it takes to make an honest woman out of me, and if you ask my friends and family they will tell you that is some feat (especially the modification of my cougar behavior)…but so far he is doing a grand job…did I mention that I think he is swell?  😉

Day seven hundred and fifty-five of the new forty – obla di obla da

Ms. C