Something bit me in the fanny – and I don’t mean figuratively, I mean literally – something bit my fanny. And no, it wasn’t a good something or an invited something or a human something – it was, I suspect from the looks and feel of it, a spider of some sort. And it wasn’t just my fanny generally, it was the area of my fanny that is close to other important areas of my body. That was one damn nervy spider! The little snot had to have gone right up the leg of my jean heading for parts heretofore unknown (mental note – wear tighter jeans from here forward).
Now, let me stop you right now if you are getting ready to make an inappropriate crack about cobwebs and such things in the bite vicinity – do not go there. This whole situation is bad enough without adding in all the comments and jokes this situation begs for. Even trying to get a good look at the bite site in my bathroom mirror was like posing for porn shots – really not attractive, but necessary for situational awareness.
The darn thing is all swollen and red and it hurts – OMG – really? This is not good. It better go away quickly on its own. I have a band-aid on it (did I mention where it was – try and visualize how lovely that is – pretty sure that isn’t what Curad was thinking when they made Curious George bandages). If I have to go to the doctor’s office for this and I have to expose my fanny and nearby parts because some spider wanted to explore new lands I will be horrified. Plus, such a scarring event would undoubtedly cause me to change my entire posture toward spiders – which has until now been a gracious no-kill approach. Spiders everywhere better hope that nasty bite recedes and disappears in record time, else they will have a new and very powerful enemy to deal with as I will be extremely BITTER.
Let me say, I have a whole new appreciation for that saying, “That sure bit me in the fanny…” – yes sir, I feel the reality both physically and psychologically. I wonder if the universe is trying to tell me something here…something deep, profound and meaningful…perhaps there is a spiritual lesson in this experience…or else the lesson may just be wear tighter jeans to create and maintain a no spider zone.
When it is all said and done, suffice to say that I am horrified…and so is Curious George.
Day four hundred and twenty-five of the new forty – obla di obla da
Ms. C
THE NEW FORTY 
Did you put triple anti-biotic ointment on it? I mean that sincerely. I got bit by a spider in 2003, although it was gracious enough to bite me on my shoulder blade, and I got really sick from it. It was when I got sick I went to the doctor and all they could do was give me antibiotics for it. My hands were swollen, I was dizzy, and felt sick for three days.
I hope that this is a simple misunderstanding between you and the spiders, but if not you can join my army against the little critters. I have a ‘no spider lives’ policy in my house. Works well for me. LOL!
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Oh my! You really should see the doctor if it isn’t better soon. I knew this guy that got bit on the hand by a brown recluse and his hand swelled up and about a year later, he got skin cancer right where that bite was…. I hope you’re ok!!
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You touched on some, but not all the humorous possibilities. FLASH! “Woman gets bit by poisonous spider! Spider dies!”
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An update on the bite site (Curious George cover your ears):
I am not sure if the universe decided that a holy war against spiders and the exposure of my Netherlands to a spider bite savvy doctor was just too much for the system to bear or if it was as Jim suggested that I was ultimately more venomous than the spider, but the bite site is much improved this AM.
Thank you for your concern – I do sincerely appreciate it. I do believe Curad now plans to include a statement on all its kid character bandages that states, “These bandages are not intended for adult usage on private body part areas.” Apparently, Curious George’s friend (The Man in the Yellow Hat) complained about the emotional and psychological distress Curious George has suffered and has threatened to sue Curad unless they advise against such future usage.
It is always something my friends…it is always something. 😉
Carol
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