Perceptions are funny things, especially when they are of ourselves.  The way we perceive ourselves to be (self-image), the way we believe we are seen in the world (others image of us) and the way we are actually perceived by others are complicated paradigms that we universally experience as human beings.  I remain fascinated by realizations in this area and it has come up numerous times in my blog over the past year.

My sister-in-law Narin and I were discussing body size and shape while I was in California.  At six and a half months pregnant she is feeling huge, but to my eyes (and to everyone else we encountered who voiced their thoughts) she is looking great and smaller than most pregnant women would be at that stage.  She is concerned because she has gained (what is in her mind) a lot of weight and as such, she was very conscious of consuming too many empty calories while I was there (although she and I both succumbed to those darn Jack-in-the-Box mini churros and the funnel cake at Venice Beach despite knowing better – sometimes sin just tastes too good to be avoided).  I tried to convince her that being pregnant is a bit of a license to relax and will acknowledge that I was a decidely bad influence (and since I had no baby to explain away the calorie consumption on I fell back on the point that I was endorsing womankind’s life enjoyment in pregnancy – what can I say…I am all about the solidarity even if it makes me less solid).

The thing is, Narin has a certain body image that she wants to get back to after pregnancy and that remains in her mind’s eye.  She has a certain weight and shape that she perceives as her ideal weight and shape and that is what motivates her actions.  I get that.  As I work on my "best body ever" (beyond the mini churros and the funnel cake), I have been told by many that I look fine and I need do no additional work; alas, in my mind’s eye it is defined differently.

I might add that beyond all the yummy food diversions I encountered, my time in California was a great reminder and reinforcement for my "best body ever" goal.  There is an intense health and fitness focus in California.  I returned home longing to do even more than I had previously conceived in my helath and fitness purview.  I must say, I am close to obsessed with doing more with the small amount of boxing know-how my nephew Paul provided me.  I loved the power I felt when working the bag…LOVED IT.  I think I may have some pent-up aggression that boxing would be helpful in releasing…but even more, it is a fabulous upper body workout and I felt so powerful when doing it.

But back to the perception thing, my brother Jeff is a big muscular guy – his arms are huge.  Look at him in these photos below with me – in the one photo his arm dwarfs my body.  Yet, these photos caused him to remark that his arms are starting to look flabby.  Ah yes, one man’s flab is another man’s fitness. You see in my brother’s mind’s eye he views his ideal as something different and regardless of what anyone else may say that ideal does not change.

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and amazingly we tend to be the toughest critics of ourselves – our weight may not be ideal, our muscle tone not firm enough, our features not perfect, our willpower too weak, our ability to learn too stunted, our personality not effervescent enough – whatever – there is often plenty we would like to change or fix.  On the outside looking in though, the others who behold may see great beauty and look past or indeed, not even see, the flaws the individual focuses on…it all goes back to that perception thing and I am back to where I started…perceptions are funny things. 

I guess, when it is all said and done, the reality of perceptions is that it matters the location from which you do your beholding.  It is too bad we cannot easily capture and integrate others’ positive views of us into our own self-image…if only we could, that would indeed be beautiful.

Day three hundred and ninety-one of the new forty – obla di obla da

Ms. C